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What Matters

May 1, 2025

It’s both a statement and a question. I thought about it in both contexts on a chance and humbling encounter while out to dinner.

I recently sat down at the bar at a local restaurant to have a quick bite and a couple of drinks. What I didn’t expect was how the evening would have an emotional and lasting impression on me. My server, an engaging and hard-working young woman, immigrated here from Ukraine. She left her war-torn country behind, and her parents, who remained to care for her aging grandmother—who couldn’t leave. Imagine that. Imagine a foreign aggressor attacking and occupying your country. Imagine her impossible choice and her parents’ non-choice.

It's hard to describe how it feels to meet someone that casually explains this to you in a matter-of-fact way. Beyond simply listening, the best I could do was express how sorry I was that this was happening to her country and family. Remarkably, her attitude seemed to be “it is what it is,” and with that she demonstrated an extraordinary mindset.

This is an individual that stands to lose everything (that matters), has been completely uprooted from her family and country, wonders what might be left to return to, and in the face of it all is exceedingly positive, hardworking, and enterprising, and is simply unwilling to fall down and not get back up. She is someone we learn from. You can’t have this type of encounter without reflecting on some things.

I reflected on how being born in any Western developed country is like winning the lottery. Buffett has made this point. Given the world’s population, winning this lucky ticket is quite rare (and unearned) and immediately provides you with a starting place and opportunities few will ever have access to.

This winning ticket comes with some strange downsides. As we cash out our winnings, we grow up, work hard, acquire possessions, and build wealth, and along the way our perspective slowly twists inward. If we’re not careful, we view our possessions and money in a way that becomes our identity. They become a perverse measuring stick and a strange source of anxiety. We focus on these things as if they define what our lives are, what we’re capable of, and what our future holds. We start to ignore our own human capital—the source that made it all possible—acting as if without all our stuff we would be ruined or helpless. Contrast that with the freedom and sense of ease you felt when you were young but with no money or possessions. Contrast that with my Ukrainian friend, who is starting over from scratch, fearlessly, with total resolve, and with no idea where this new life is going to take her.

None of this is meant to diminish any of the real hardships and challenges we all face in our own lives, but I hope we can occasionally challenge ourselves to think beyond our mental silos. To allow ourselves some reprieve from the emotional feedback loop spurred on by opinion “news” and financial media. We are far more than a collection of things we lug around or financial accounts we stare at. These things that can be replaced are important, but they aren’t what matters. It is the irreplaceable that deserves our highest attention. When we focus on that, we remember how to live and what we live for.

I think the least we can do for anyone whose life has been upended and whose perspective was gained through forced and harsh realities is to strive to maintain a sense of humility and perspective without having to experience the same thing. We already won the global lottery; let’s never forget that, or what really matters.

- John Bass